Participants:

Seren_icon.gif Valentin_icon.gif

Scene Title The World We Live In
Synopsis Seren asks Valentin for advice
Location Seren's Room
Date 16 Kingsway, 9:31 Dragon
Watch For The risks one would take.
Logger Seren

Seren has done the unusual thing and shut himself in his room the previous evening with the intention of recovering and having a presentable face in the morning. Except morning came and went and he hasn't managed to make it out yet. So, it was Revas who went in search of Valentin shortly past noon, and the sound of that knock on his door is answered. "Come in. Please."

It had actually taken some doing to get Valentin to pay much mind. He'd been teaching, and then he'd been writing, and Revas likely actually had to draw some blood to make him realize that something was actually wrong. But he's followed, a bag over his shoulder that might be familiar as his healing bag, and he's knocked. There's a small sigh of relief at the fact that a voice answers him, but Valentin does come in, closing the door behind him and Revas. "Revas seemed intent for me to follow her…"

"I told her to wait until you weren't busy." Seren answers but his voice is tired and just a little hoarse. "Thank you for coming. I promise I haven't done anything stupid, but Revas can read my body language. I just…" He lets out a sigh that ends in a bitter laugh. "Lately. Something has happened and I'm afraid I need your help. …advice… something." This time his voice comes from the direction of the bed, far enough for his back to be against the wall. "If you are willing to give it."

Well, okay then. Valentin takes a deep breath, sets down the bag from his shoulder to the floor just to his left. The tightness in his shoulder eases, the knot that only forms when he is preparing to need to heal. "I will give what I am able. What has happened?" Valentin answers, not cold but not nearly as friendly as he had once been.

"Arran is here." Once the words are spoken, Seren has to take a few seconds to steady his voice again because crying again isn't going to help him communicate. "When he read the letter I sent, he came here to find me. I didn't know that this is where he came from, he never wanted to talk about it." There's the sound of shifting as the elf pulls his knees to his chest, then of Revas settling on the bed and making those half-coo noises that are her method of trying to be comforting. "You're the only one I could think of to bring this to."

Valentin takes a deep breath at that. "Truthfully," He begins, "I have no good advice for you. I have the advice that will keep you alive, and I have the advice from the place that… That I remember. And that would be, if I am frank, more likely for me to do myself if I were you." Nevertheless, even as he opens up that small window of personal topic, he is still distant. Still near the door.

"He wants time with me. …creators, I want time with him. He knows I can't leave and he knows there are people here I don't want to risk. Not specifics, not yet. I had to talk to you before that. Please, Valentin. I gave you my word and I'm trying. This… I can't let anyone else get hurt because of this." Seren takes a moment for a deep breath and reaches out to try to settle Revas. "Even making this easier by … by not being here to keep him here isn't an option. I thought about it, but easy isn't an option I have. What would you do?"

"Seren…" Valentin says quietly, his thumb idly turning the ring upon his left hand, a habit he has recently picked up. "What I would do would be foolish, and if you were to do it, would likely get you killed." Some of the ice melts, though, and Valentin moves more properly into the room. Right down onto the corner of the bed he moves. "Firstly, you can tell him you have people you care about, but please, no names. I, and the others here, don't need those kinds of whispers." Valentin sighs and pulls his hand through his hair. "When I first came to Kirkwall, Garou wasn't here." He begins, "And if… If he had come here, not in the Order, just… Outside. I likely would have done a lot of stupid things to get out to get to him. A lot. But it would have been terrible."

"I've already told him that, and I told him that there was someone that I more than cared for. He wants to meet this person but I said I would have to ask. No names, that's dangerous for everyone. Including him." It's a lesson that Seren picked up quickly. "I was afraid you would say something like that, because doing a lot of stupid things isn't an option I have either." He gives a hint of a laugh, but it has nothing to do with humor. He's fresh out of that. "I promised Garou that I wouldn't take my own life and it doesn't matter what method, that's what I'd be doing. Because, believe me, I would do those stupid things until they killed me if there were no other considerations and if I thought he'd move on after."

"Well, then the advice that will keep you alive…" Valentin says, pinching the bridge of his nose and leaning forward. "Please know," He says, sounding pained, "That I hate everything that is about to come out of my mouth." He takes a deep breath through his nose, "Then you have to let him go. Gods, I can't even… Fuck, what has this place done to me?" He's sick at the very thought, because he's gone and empathized too much. "That is the safest option, though. Hate it as I may."

Valentin sighs. "Seren," He says gently, "Come here." He says with a small gesture for Seren to put his head in his lap. "I know… I know you love him. I know what sort of madness that brings. The need, how desperate it is." He swallows hard. "But let me make a few things clear. The way you would exist in the world after that? You couldn't love anyone. Not him, not your child, not anyone. Further, every person that has confided in you, which is many people as you are a Healer, their secrets would be given freely to any who asked. Your memory, your mind, your heart, your very soul, would be for them to play with and use. Do not think it an option, it is not one."

It takes a while for Seren to speak. Even after his head rests on Valentin's lap he's silent save for the evidence of tears that he's trying to stop. "If it weren't for those secrets…" There's a whisper of a laugh, but it's a bitter sound. "Nessini has moved on, I'm an idea to my daughter, and now I have to tell the one person who does know I love them and more than returns it …. Something." Give him a second. "Fuck this inescapable place."

Valentin pets Seren's hair softly, an easy, paternal contact. "I am sorry, Seren, that this is the world we live in." He says then. "And if I have some brilliant idea of some other solution, you will be the first to know of it."

"If I'm too weak to do it, what then? If I take a risk… Will you hate me for doing it?" Seren doesn't look up, but he's already tensed for the answer. "Because I'm pretty sure I'm too weak to look at him and lie to him, and that's the only way he's going to go ho… no. That's wrong. I am his home. The only one he has left and I have to take that away from him."

At that, Valentin sighs. "There are a few things wrong with every statement you've just made." He says, shaking his head. "Firstly, Seren, carry your own pain, not his too. You carrying his won't make the load any lighter for him, and will simply double your own. Secondly, you are not responsible for the choices he made in coming here." He pauses before the third point, "And thirdly? My hating you or not is completely irrelevent to this conversation and I am unsure of the point of that question. I will be… Disappointed, scared, I will mourn you… Hatred? I do not know. Not because you were weak, but because of the repercussions such a choice would have."

"Because it would be easier to be weak if you said no." Seren's sigh turns into a yawn. "Maybe he can think of something I haven't. I'm not ready to give up yet, I just don't want anyone else to hurt. We shouldn't have to make these choices. Who could possibly think this is right?" Not that he's really looking for an answer. With Valentin's hand on his hair his eyes are starting to close and his breathing beginning to slow. "It's just hard to come up with a way that only harms me if it goes wrong."

"Just… Be careful, Seren. I do not think there is a way that no one else would be hurt if this goes wrong." Valentin says, "And I am not someone known for making things easy. Now, sleep, Seren. You will not make any good decisions without sleep." His hand leaves Seren's hair slowly, and he gives a gentle squeeze to the other Healer's shoulder.

"Thank you. It would be worse if you made it easy." The words end in a yawn and Seren's eyes are already beginning to close. Still, he nods and makes an attempt to lift his head so that Valentin can move. "I'm sorry, you were just the only one…" But he's yawning again because the entire night has caught up with him and Revas is already settling in with those puffed up feathers. Of course, being more awake than her elf, she gives that odd-owl turn of her head to look at the human and voices another of those weird floofbird noises.

"Good night, Seren." Valentin says softly, and slips from the edge of the bed, "And good night to you too, Revas." At the door, Valentin bends to pick up his bag. When he leaves the room quietly, however, it is not to the right, toward his own room, that he goes, but to the left, and the stairs.

Seren probably will register the direction later, but now? Now he's going to sleep with a bird perched on his hip and his head at the wrong end of the bed. At least he's had reinforcement that the first ideas that entered his mind were probably also the worst. No taking a run at the gallows and trying to escape.


Any additional notes fall to the bottom.