Participants:

Mac_icon.gif Seren_icon.gif

Scene Title What Would You Wish For?
Synopsis Seren makes a Daily visit to Macenaya
Location Circle of Magi
Date 22 August, 9:31 Dragon
Watch For Wishes
Logger Seren

Seren is a bit later than he might have been, but… well, he slept in today and then everything else was done in a rush to get to this point in the mid-morning. Here he is, though! Knocking on Macenaya's door. "It's me, lethallan," he informs, not opening the door just yet. He has to be invited to do that.

The door it's self isn't closed, though not completely open either, enough that perhaps half the room can be seen through the opening with includes the foot of the bed. It is there that Mor hops into view, stopping on the end of the bed to caw at the door, wings spreading wide to beat against the air. "Mor, hush." the her voice is sleep filled, even this late in the day, the sound of her moving against the covers almost lost in the racket of the raven. "Comein."

Seren peeks in before pushing the door open and then somewhat closed behind him. "Good morning, Mor," he greets the raven, and then walks over to place a tray on the bed. "The tea is to help settle your stomach, broth, bread," he points. "And for you," he says to the raven. "I had to do a lot of talking to get this for you." But the suet and seed in its shallow bowl is placed near the end of the bed. Finally, the healer sits on the floor and tips his head to greet the other elf in the room. "Macenaya. How are you feeling today?"

Well out of the two of them the one more excited to see food is definately the bird, bouncing to the bowl with small little clicking noises before sticking his long beak in. No shame that one. Maceyana however, who is in her long sleeved undergown, has set up on the bed, pulling her legs closer to her along with the thin blanket, closes her eyes as the scent of the broth reaches her, swallowing against the rise of bile. "Tired.. but that is normal." looking away from the tray to where Seren is seated on the floor, and lifted to push back strands of moonlight that had escaped her loose braid. "You seem cheerful."

"The tea first, it will help. I promise," Seren urges. "It should also help your energy level, which will be much improved by the broth. Please try, lethallan. You cannot gain strength to stand on your own if you don't sustain yourself." And then there's the mention of his disposition and he merely grins. "I had chocolate yesterday, and I slept in today. It's enough to boost anyone's mood." It's the truth, at the very least. "Now, you must eat. Then you must stand. You don't have to walk just yet, I won't ask that of you, but you must begin today. Your life is important. You are the sole keeper of the memories of your brother's childhood with you. And if that light is to be kept alive, you must gain strength."

She stares at him for a moment longer before sighing with a shake of her head. "Rylan and my childhood are the same." but not arguing.. yet, the tea wouldn't hurt perhaps, her mouth tasted like ash. A glance towards Mor as he shoots seed shells across the stone floor, talking quietly to himself as he snaps one after another. "If you didn't have a freid before." leaning forward to reach for the tea cup, the movement showing the wall over her shoulder and the carving he had left hanging there over the head of the bed as she brings the cup up to sniff at the steam. "What kind of tea?"

"It's raspberry leaf and peppermint," Seren answers. "Yes, you had the same childhood, but now the one who holds those memories is you." He seems at least pleased that the tea is being agreed to and he looks over at Mor. "I can always use more friends. I find that those with feathers at least understand the wish for freedom, and can share just a little of that with us. Revas sometimes brings me things back from her flights. SHe hunts, and has brought back herbs she thought I'd like or pieces of wood with a good smell or color."

"Mor brings shiny things.. and people." she says with glance to the bird. "He is a theif." hands wrapped around the cup, if nothing else the warmth is soothing, Maceyana takes the smallest sip, a shudder running through her as the aroma washes through her. "It's not true you know. There is our clan, they know our story."

"They know your story. They did not see him through your eyes," Seren points out, and then gives a small sigh. He reaches into his robe, finding an inside pocket and pulls out small pieces of parchment. "These were from my book. My daughter found it and drew pictures. Revas, her father, her mother, me… They remember her birth. I am the only one who remembers it from my eyes. I remember holding her hand, soothing her fears. I've realized that those alone would be enough to go on. Yet… I have found so many more reasons. But to find your own reasons, you must first gain strength." He holds up the pictures before putting them away again.

Maceyana stares down at the surface of the tea, her fingers tight around the cup. "Our parents died when we were young, we were raised by the clan. Which is odd really, because it means you are raised by everyone and no one at the same time. Who we had as each other." she takes another small sip when her stomach doesn't immediately object to the tea, then lets the cup settle into her lap. "You have a wife and child?" yes he had said he did but asking perhaps is her way of getting him to talk.

"We were… There were three of us. Myself, Nessini, and Arran. We were together by our own agreement. I loved them both. When Serala came along, it didn't even matter who had helped create her. She had two fathers and a mother." The smile Seren's memories bring is tinged with sadness, but it's no longer the constant haze of pain it once was. "I don't think it's fair to ask someone to love only one person ever or ask that they give you control of their body," he explains. "You are the one who controls what you do. And as long as I live, you will be the one who controls who does and doesn't come near you."

Maceyana lifts her gaze studying him as he talks, the saddness that she carries reacting to him and his greif as well. "If this Templar, Cenn? If he is telling the truth.. then I am glad of it, for Rylan's sake. I am glad he found something even if it was something I never will." reaching down to pick up a black seed husk that lays on the bed, tossing it down at the Raven who is now preening his feathers. "That is not a promise you can make Seren. You can not be with me all the time."

Seren seems to think something over. "I can't be with you all the time, this is true. But I can be watchful, and I can stay with you until you can stand. I swear to you… I swear to you that the man you fear is not going to have the chance to come for you. I can't tell you why or how. I …" He nods. "He loved him. He mourned him for so long… So much he couldn't even look me in the eye when we met and talking to me was almost impossible. I understand it a little. I brought back memories that were daggers in his heart. So yes, he loved your brother."

"I will trust what you say, having nothing to prove otherwise. I just.. I do not know the man and I am not sure that is a bad thing." her eyes lifting towards Seren. "There is very little I have found that I can trust.. and say you are correct and he is someomne I could. They do not allow you to make bonds. Not without gleefully ripping them apart."

Seren shakes his head. "That's not entirely true." Look, not once in any of these conversations has he ever blushed, but there's more color in his cheeks now. "There are bonds, and even if there are those who would rather break them than see them formed, they continue. I can't tell you to trust anyone in the Order. All I can tell you is that there are at least two that I would trust- have trusted- with my safety and my life without any doubt. They're good men." Sure, clearly he has a bias, but he's at least telling the truth. "You should have more of the tea. Then the broth. The bread is up to you."

With his blush there is a soft sigh from the girl. "You are a lot like him." it's almost a whisper before she looks back to the cup, taking another small sip before setting the cup back on the tray. "It is not that there are not bonds. It is that when they find out about them, they will break them apart. It is not a pain I can go through again."

"They would have to kill me first," Seren points out. "I've lost one family, I'm not going to lose another while I have breath." Not that he'd be able to fight much, he has a hard time doing harm so that a wound can be properly healed. He'll do it, but it's not easy. "…but giving up just because you're afraid of losing it again… I can't. I won't. Because I'm not going to let them take away my determination to live. I won't let them do it. …and I won't let them have you."

And there is when Maceyana actually looks up at him, not just to him but meeting his eyes, brows pulling together in the confusion that has been building for days. "Why? I do not understand… you do not know me, I am his sister that is all you know… and you didn't even know him… so why are you so invested? I am no one to you."

"Even if that were true- and it isn't- Cenn loved this man and this man loved you, and losing you would put another dagger in his heart. I can't see that happen. I don't want him to hurt anymore." Seren glances over at Macaneya. "You are Dalish, when you came here you became part of my clan, whether you knew it or not. Because this is what I do. I care for others who are lost." It may be because he's been lost, himself. It may just be instinct. He hasn't figured it out yet.

Pulling her knees up so that she can wrap her arms around them, set her chin down on top, the movement causing her sleave to hike up so that the edge of the wide pink scars on her wrists peek out. Only a moment though before she is pulling the cloth back over them. "Cenn does not know me either. He didnt' even know Rylan had a sister, let a lone a twin." head turning so her cheek rests against her knees and she can look at Seren. "If you could have one thing you wanted, right this minute, what would it be?"

"You have so much to learn," Seren pulls his knees to his chest. "If I had a sister in this … travesty of mage imprisonment, do you think I'd let anyone know? No. Because letting them know would mean I had no chance of ever being transferred to where she was, or having her transferred close to me. I would be so desperate for any chance, no matter how small and self constructed, that not even Cenn would know. Certainly no one else would ever find out. Because we cling to anything. Any hope. …I clung to mine until the tower. I found it again here. If Cenn had known, how much power do you think he would have had to bring the two of you together? None. His efforts would have made sure that you were apart, even if your brother hadn't died. Yet you sit here, all that is left of him, mired in darkness and unwilling to live. If I were this brother… my heart would be broken."

"What is it that I to live for? Everything I wanted from my life, I can not have. You carry those pictures, but you have them.. there is someone out there, people out there that were your family that loved you. You know the feeling of holding your child. There was only the two of us and now he is gone and when I am gone there will be nothing left, no one left. I wanted a child, to feel it growing inside of me and now.. I can't even bring myself to touch someone else, let alone be touched. And what if I did.. some miracle manage to become pregnant…. you know what would happen. So your heart would be broken if you were my brother, but my heart has been broken for a very long time."

Seren stands. "And that is very sad, da'len." Yep, she's older than him. "You can't have what you want, so of course that means you must give up. You can't find things to want in your life that weren't the wants that you started with, so of course you must give up your life. You have lost, so of course you must give up. Your heart has been broken for a very long time, so of course you must give up. You will sit here in the dark, waiting for what? Death? Something to come from the outside to mend you? There is nothing from outside that will come to mend you. There are people for you who care for you, because you exist. …but of course, you must give up." He heads for the door. "The tea, the broth, the bread if you want it. Unless you've lied to everyone and don't care about promises either."

She doesn't say a word, there aren't even tears as she watches him, not until he stands and is at the door, head still resting on her knees, there is a moment that it looks like she might not say anything at all, simply let him leave before turning back over to sleep. And yes, it comes to her mind, it would be the easiest thing in the world.. easier for everyone really. But instead as his hand catches the door. "You didn't answer my question, you know.. before you started in about my breaking my brother's heart.. I asked you a question.. "

Seren turns to look at Macenaya. "If I could have one thing? …at one time I thought it would be to have my family and my clan back, to not have experienced all that I have. But the man who experienced all of those things is who I am now, and perhaps he's a better person and perhaps he's not. But he's a person who has a family and love here now." He gives a hint of a smile but it's at odds with the sadness in his eyes. "I was trained as a Keeper, but my clan doesn't need me and I couldn't lead them now anyway. But this clan needs me, and I need them. So that would be my wish. To protect my clan."

She watches him, lifting her pale eyes to his as he talks.. then slowly nodding. "See.. Rylan was the Keeper's First, I was the Second only because he came to his Magic only days before I. And I know that you think, that if you asked me what I would want right now if you asked me, is that I could be back with him and he could be here. But I tend to be a realist and I don't wish for things that are impossible….. I just want to be able to stand having someone hold onto me long enough to cry… and I can't. So maybe you are right, maybe that means I have given up." by the time she is done those tears that had not shed were falling freely, her voice catching with the short hiccups that came with the tears.

Seren lets out a long sigh and walks over to sit beside Macenaya. "When you can, if you want, I will. I'm a healer, it's impossible for me to do anything that would harm you. …and the truth is I don't want you to give up. It's selfish. I want to see the person you are now, or can be once the scars are finished healing. And then maybe you'll see the people who are out there waiting to have someone else they can care about."

"You say I am wishing for death but that is not true. I just want to stop being afraid, from the pain.. I am scared to be alone and I am scare of someone being there. It doesn't leave a lot of places to inbetween." Hand lifting to run the heel across her cheeks. "You keep pushing these promises at me, but it is not that I lied, it is that I do not know how to keep them. Nothing feels right. Only peace I get is when I am sleeping."

"Has it occurred to you that they are offers?" Seren asks, smiling again without all the sadness that was there before. "I'm a spirit healer who lost every ounce of hope he had. I probably have an over abundance of Compassion, I'm sure it and Duty filled in the gap until Hope came back. I mean it, you don't have to do anything, when or if you're comfortable with me. If you never are, it's going to be sad. I'm pretty good at the shoulder thing," he points out. "I've had a lot of tears shed on them. …mostly by a 3 year old, but I'm sure they're still good for something."

He gets a half smile, more probably because that is what she thinks he wants.. though truth be told it changes her face, even gaunt and ashen, with circles around her eyes, the years seem to slip away, in fact there is the possiblity that if she actually fully did that there would be a dimple in her left one. "I… I don't even know how to start anymore…. and I am pretty sure vomiting on someone is not the way. " of course one would have to have something in their stomach to vomit but semantics.

Seren shakes his head. "Macenaya. Don't smile if you don't feel it. …also, if you think I haven't been vomited on before, you missed the 'healer' and 'father' part of our conversation. We'll figure it out. Please drink the broth. Slowly. You have to work your way up to something more solid. …because you're never going to get your chance to vomit on me if you have nothing in there. Soon you're going to have to go out into the sunlight. Not for long, but still a little time."

Her eyes close as he asks about the broth again, swallowing against the tightness in her throat. "Just because it is something that has happened, does not mean I wish to do so as well." a sigh as she reaches for the cup, again it's obvious that she does so because that is what he wants, over any wish of her own. Not that she believes he will object to this. Her breath held, the first sip is tenitive, eyes closed as she wills the rich liquid not to "bounce." When it is obvious that it is going to stay down, her eyes open to look at him with that.."Happy now?" look.

Seren chuckles. "The rest of it slowly," he encourages. "And then I will return at the…" Oh wait, he was late. "When it would have been time for your midday meal." Yeah, there's a blush. "I have people to check in on, but I'll be here if you need me." With that he stands. "I'm not asking you to be able to walk on your own two feet in a day, da'len. I'm asking you to have faith that you have it in you." And now he's going to go.


Any additional notes fall to the bottom.